Day 9: Unspoken Fears

I was hesitant to write today because all that's been on my mind kind of scares me.  I was very excited and enthusiastic about losing weight the right way at first, but I think I've gotten to the point where those old habits are starting to creep up on me.  I want to eat seldomly, and once I have eaten, I want to throw it up.  While I haven't actually purged, I wasn't going to write about my desire to at all.  I've come to realize, though, that the silence is probably contributing to my mental decay.

I see my therapist soon and am going to continue to exercise and resist the urge to vomit.  I'm scared of old habits dying hard is all, I guess.  If the feelings come up, I should definitely be telling someone about it, though.  Talking about it is just another means of defending myself from my tendencies.

I shouldn't try to deal with these feelings alone.  I have support and should utilize all my resources.  It's a matter of productivity and sense, as well as my well-being and health.  I'll get through this, with help.