I've decided to take a weekly photo log of my weight loss progress. I think I will post them altogether at the end of the 42 weeks, as opposed to posting them right when I take them.
I wish I took more pictures when I was fit. I was so dissatisfied with my body then, even though I was in such great shape. Even though I did not binge or purge during my training as a competitive cheerleader, I felt the illness taking hold of me. I was completely engulfed by the thought of imperfection. I remember hating taking photos because I felt like I looked like a cow. I felt as though I looked like I had no self-control or discipline in my life. I thoroughly hated myself.
After quitting cheer, I only got more depressed. Depression then contributed to my weight and eating disorder. I eventually was able to stop throwing up, but I lost control of all my eating habits. I went from micro-managing every morsel that passed through me to not being able to withhold from eating anything and everything.
Someone once told me I would be bulimic forever, even once I found stability. I think just picturing that scared me from one disorder to another. Picturing the fear, unhappiness and need to control the rest of my life caused me so much anxiety that I became something else entirely. It's like my last post said, attitude makes up for a lot of training.
Picture what you've had. Picture what you want. Visualize it and make it so.
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