Day 5: Improvement

Before starting my exercise regimen, I lost 8.5 lbs by counting calories and exercising a total of about ten minutes in three and a half weeks.  I decided I would give myself this 42 week resolution, write this blog and exercise after those first few weeks to see even more improvement.  The first week of my challenge is a little more than half way over and I'm a little nervous.

I don't know if I've lost any more weight in this first of 42 weeks, but I can already tell I'm improving in my health.  I am not only more energetic and happy (Yay for endorphin boosts!),  but I feel more physically capable of doing things.  I walk about a mile and a quarter every two days and each time, my time has improved by a whole minute.  Even if I had not known that, though, I would be able to tell you I've improved because it is slowly but surely getting easier to complete that mile and a quarter every time I do.

I'm enjoying myself so much, in fact, I've decided to add push-ups and crunches to the daily routine.  WOOHOO!  A little effort goes a long way, so if I do five pushups a night until I can do ten and then fifteen and then fifty... I'll be reaching my goal with flying colors, I think!  Baby steps are okay, as long as steps are indeed taken.  That's what I think, anyway.

Day 4: Picture It

I've decided to take a weekly photo log of my weight loss progress.  I think I will post them altogether at the end of the 42 weeks, as opposed to posting them right when I take them.

I wish I took more pictures when I was fit.  I was so dissatisfied with my body then, even though I was in such great shape.  Even though I did not binge or purge during my training as a competitive cheerleader, I felt the illness taking hold of me.  I was completely engulfed by the thought of imperfection.  I remember hating taking photos because I felt like I looked like a cow.  I felt as though I looked like I had no self-control or discipline in my life.  I thoroughly hated myself.

After quitting cheer, I only got more depressed.  Depression then contributed to my weight and eating disorder.  I eventually was able to stop throwing up, but I lost control of all my eating habits.  I went from micro-managing every morsel that passed through me to not being able to withhold from eating anything and everything.

Someone once told me I would be bulimic forever, even once I found stability.  I think just picturing that scared me from one disorder to another.  Picturing the fear, unhappiness and need to control the rest of my life caused me so much anxiety that I became something else entirely.  It's like my last post said, attitude makes up for a lot of training.

Picture what you've had.  Picture what you want.  Visualize it and make it so.

Day 3: Good Training/Staying Positive

I was out on my run/jog/moderate walk when I crossed paths with a dude riding his bike.  Up until this point, I had run for a bit and was walking the rest of my mile.  It still only being the third day of this quest, I was heaving and trudging through each painful movement it took to take the next step.  I was suffering.  The funny thing about this guy on the bike, though, was that he had a chihuahua balancing on the handlebars and bar between his legs.  It was like this: the dog was standing up, holding onto the handlebars to keep balance, while the man peddled away down the streets of Southern California.  I was amused and impressed.  Then the thought occurred to me, that is just simply GOOD TRAINING.

Odd as it is, that motivated me enough to pick up the pace and not only heighten my step, but do it with enthusiasm.  I started to think with each spring of my step.  Good training is more than just eating right and working out.  Training is more than the actual physical tasks.  It is also training the mind to stay positive.  That dog could easily look down or lose balance or freak out in the least and plunge to a painful medley of gravel in its ass, but it had good training.  It was trained not only to precariously position itself on the bike, but to do so happily.  Other dogs are walking among themselves, while this one is flying, with the wind in its ears and sun on its back...

I finished my mile faster today than a couple of days ago.  I like to think it's the physical improvement of my body, but also my mind and attitude.  It's all the good training I've been putting myself through.  ;]

Day 2: Small Choices

I'm visiting my sister who has lost 70 lbs over the past year.  We were getting lunch and although I didn't really want to, she convinced me to walk.  The destination was only a half mile away and parking, as it can tend to be in LA, was horrendous at both places.  I knew it only made sense to walk, but I just didn't feel like climbing up and down the hills of Silverlake, be it a mile (roundtrip) or SEVEN!  (I'm exaggerating.)

The walk really wasn't all that bad, though.  I'm still a little sore in my quads because yesterday was the first mile I've walked/run/attempted in YEARS.  The hills had me wheezing a bit and I did definitely struggle, but once the GRUELING task of a half mile was defeated, I felt good.  It made me realize those seemingly inconsequential choices do make an impact in the end.  Life lessons.  Diet life lessons, that is...

Day 1: Post Workout

Maybe it's the excitement of starting this journey, or perhaps the endorphin of exercise, but I am feeling GREAT.  I got up to a late start today, but once I was awake, I was up and at 'em.

I am in terrible shape, but I am trying to build up my physical stamina with youtube fitness guru Cassey Ho, AKA Blogilates!  You're supposed to do a sequence of her videos, but I struggle finishing one most of the time.  I really felt guilty about this before, but I honestly was wheezing and shaking by the time ten minutes of her cardio videos were up.  lol  Today, I finished one of her videos and felt... normal, if not energized.  I knew I could take more, so I decided more should be taken.  I set up my RunKeeper app profile and set to the streets.  I only ran for about a total of a minute and a half, if that.  I did complete a little over a mile, though!  It was painful, even though I was only walking.  I know, though, that pain is temporary and that these results will be life-altering.

I used to be super-fit, as a competitive cheerleader in high school.  I ran a 6-minute mile and could lift girls up in the air, both with a stunt group and as a single base.  As a competitive cheerleader, I had no room for my eating disorder.  So for the year and a half that I trained, I was completely and legitimately healthy, by the book.  It was before and after the pep squad that I had trouble keeping food down.

As an adult, I always feared going back to that dark place of bulimia.  I don't want to live the way I had then, but I most certainly never wanted to live the way I do now.  Instead of binging and purging, in my adulthood, I've disregarded all qualms of self-control.  It is time to find a happy, healthy medium.  It is time to find myself again.

Prologue

Wish me luck (and strength), because I've decided to buckle down.  In 42 weeks, I'll be 27 years old.  By that time, I want to be at my goal weight and finished with my memoir- or at least with a draft I'd be willing to let my peers read.

I've always been a writer.  Reading was a favorite pastime before I even started school and I always knew I had a knack with words, formally.  Hopefully, it translates to this blog...

I have not, on the other hand, always been overweight.  Certainly, most of my life, I've been dissatisfied with my body image and self-esteem, but that's something else entirely.  I struggled with bulimia throughout my childhood and adolescence until it seemingly formed into a different type of monster altogether.  I went from controlling every oz that went into my body to an utter lack of control whatsoever.  That's how I've found myself here.

I'm actually a month into my diet.  In the beginning, I was eager, but... in lack of a better word, skeptical.  It's been less than a month and I've lost 8.5 lbs with hardly any exercise.  That first bit of loss is the spark that's ignited this journey.  So, here we go... Logging on myfitnesspal.com, counting calories, exercising, stretching... I'm ready for it all and rearing to go!