Ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and Face The Strain)

I recently joined a gym and have gone to work out three times this week. It was hard to get back into the groove of wanting to exercise, but now that I'm back in routine, I look forward to it. I used to have to convince myself to try to be happy, just as I am convincing myself to work out now.

While I was at it, the La Roux song, "Bulletproof" came on my iPod. They played it at the memorial service for the family member who passed this last Christmas because it was his favorite song. I couldn't help but choke back some tears while I kept running. I thought of his parents and brother, left behind to live without him. I thought of the fact he will no longer play or run or grow. I thought of how I once so desperately wanted to be gone, like he is now.

With all this on my mind, my feet felt heavy, pounding against the conveyor belt of the machine I was operating. My sweat and tears mixed on my cheeks, as my thoughts muddled. I survived my suicide attempts and depression and everything I have. I should treat my life as the opportunity it is. I want to honor my fallen family member as much as I want to live a life worth living. With a sound mind and healthy body, my life is more than just a time frame of events, but an opportunity for the fullest kind of happiness.